Post-Baby Careers - Bush Style!

By Ally

What does a mother of three who lives on a farm near Cowra do when she decides to go back to work after 8 years?

Panic?

Despite my Dads best advice to the contrary, I am not trained as a nurse, teacher, accountant, physio, doctor, dentist or any of the other careers that are in high demand in country towns. My qualifications are general – project management, facilitation, mediation, research, training, writing.

Relocating wasn’t an option as we operate a bulk haulage business based at Cowra. And we like living here. It’s a great part of Australia to live in.

I started out by scanning the local papers. Plenty of jobs for truck drivers, accountants and engineers but nothing that quite suited my skill set or interests. I moved to the web and sought out recruitment and job seeking sites. I’m sure these sites are great for urban dwellers or those with specific skill sets but regional Australia is less well represented and web- listed job opportunities in Cowra were basically non- existent.

Thankfully I received an email from Kate Sykes of Lift Recruitment. She suggested that due to my location and skill set, I might try utilising old contacts.

Waa laaa!

I’m back at work three days a week, school hours (well mostly) working for a Tamworth based rural communication business. It’s nice to think that in this techno-crazed world that it can actually work in reality. I can work with colleagues all over the country simply and easily from home.

It has been a seamless transition and one I was very ready for. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to work and use my skills.

So – if you’re a country based Mum with pre-baby skills, perhaps the best thing to do is search through the memory database for who ever might spring to mind. And then put together a cv and a brief email and see what happens! Good Luck.

“Putting the Family Last.” (WARNING: Major Rant Ahead).

By Jenny Wynter from comicmummy.com

FOR THE RECORD…

I was a Vegetarian for 7 years. During this time, I noticed an interesting, if slightly irritating, phenomena.

When certain people would discover my lifestyle of choice, they would leap to a, shall we say “offence as defence” strategy of listing all the reasons why eating meat was better for you and the many foibles of vegetarianism.

I was at first, rather perplexed by this. Namely cos I could not have given a flying f whether they ate meat or not. Seriously. I was not there trying to convince anybody to come across to my way of life, I was simply living it the way I wanted to. I could not understand why people would take such offence to my lifestyle, to the point where they felt compelled to present their own case to bring mine down and prop their own up.

This week, I noticed a similar phenomenon in Planet Parenting.

In light of me having just completed a 2-week stint in the USA while my kids were here in Oz with their Dad, I was accused of putting our children last.

I was mad.

Last.

LAST?

WTF?

Here we go…

1. Saying You’re “Old Fashioned” doesn’t make “Sexism” acceptable.

I have friends whose partners have spent weeks away working, while they stayed home with the kids. I also have friends who have travelled abroad with their little ones, leaving the male partner behind.

I have zero problem with either scenario, by the way.

What I have a problem with is when somebody implies that the kids being apart from Mummy for a couple of weeks is so much worse than being apart from Daddy. Is the daddy-child bond unbreakable? Is it only the mummy-child one that is susceptible to damage?

What a crock.

It peeves me no end that if it is the man being separated from his child, nobody bats a freaking eyelid, or if they do, it’s a super-mild bat. A tiny flutter.

But the moment that a MOTHER dares do the same, even if it is an irregular occurence (I, for instance, certainly don’t jet off to LA every month), then she is subject to “I think you’re taking a real risk with your children,” or “You’re really hurting them by doing that,” or even the well-intentioned “I could NEVER leave my kids for that long!” Good for you. I respect your feelings. But just because I can, doesn’t make me less of a parent than you.

I have also heard this: “Well, I just believe that the mother is the most important one. Call me old fashioned….”

You know what?

NO.

Unless you wear curlers to bed, dress up in Pinafores and quote “Little House on the Prairie”, I’m not gonna call you “old fashioned.”

I’m gonna call you “sexist.”

2. My Way Is Not Best (and neither is yours)

Like with the Vegetarian stuff, I have never tried to imply that my parenting way of life is in any way better than anybody else’s. I’m not on an evangelical mission. I don’t work for Amway (though given our bank balance lately, I am considering it). All I’m doing is living my life the way that’s right for me and my family. And you know what I believe? THERE IS NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO DO PARENTING.

I could seriously not give a stuff about how you parent. I draw the line at abuse, naturally, but short of that, whether you’re stay-at-home, working mama, part-time mama, part-time working mama, single, married, whatever, what business of it is mine? I trust that you’re doing the best you know how, as am I. We’re all messing up. We’re all succeeding. Whatever.

What I cannot abide, however, is judgement, that I believe stems from insecurity about one’s own mode of parenting.

Whether it’s judgement from the stay-at-home mother who is threatened by the idea that somebody else could actually leave their children for that long, because that might mean that actually, she could too and that her personal sacrifices are actually for nothing. Therefore, she instead tells herself that “that person’s children must be really being damaged,” so that she suddenly feels better about her decisions and sacrifices. She is validated.

Or whether it’s judgement from the working mother who is threatened by the idea that the kids might be better off with a stay-at-home parent, because that might mean that actually, her family sacrifices for her career are damaging. Therefore she tells herself that “my kids love daycare” and “that mother’s life must be so boring” so that she suddenly feels better about her decisions and sacrifices. She is validated.

Regardless of what your own situation is, ENOUGH WITH THE CRITICISING OTHERS TO VALIDATE OUR OWN CHOICES!

Whichever point of view you come from, anybody judging anybody else’s “putting the kids first/last” is essentially saying the same thing: “If that person is doing things so radically differently from me, then surely their kids (or the mother herself) must be getting messed up in some major way that I can feel at liberty to criticise, so that then I feel better about my own clearly superior choices?!”

Seriously?

If you need validation for your own parenting, or your own life, via way of putting down other people’s, then I am sorry. But YOU are the one with the issue.

3. Implying That “Leaving Your Kids With Their Dad is Neglectful” is an INSULT

For the record…

When I leave, my kids are with their DAD. He loves them. JUST AS MUCH AS I DO. I am not shipping them off to some unknown promised land of abuse, I am not abandoning them never to return, I am leaving them under the supervision of their God-given PARENT who LOVES them and to whom I shall RETURN with much gift-giving, celebration and awesomeness.

To imply anything otherwise is unbelievably insulting and again, sexist.

Again, I point out: I know countless Dads who have spent significant (and regular) time away from their offspring for work reasons. Nobody seems to ever question this. I have NEVER heard anybody even utter for a moment “Wow, those poor kids.” “Oh, I could NEVER do that!” or “That is such a risk to take.”

Yet the moment a mother dares do such a thing, oh my word.

My husband, bless his darling soul, also finds this incredibly insulting. Is he such a dreadful parent that leaving our darlings in his care for even a couple of weeks is neglectful?

Please.

Again, I really do believe that such criticism just reflects on the accuser. What is it in themselves, in their own parenting, in their own life, that makes them feel better by denouncing the choices of another family who does things differently?

Would their own partner be such a horrifying choice as a primary care-giver?

(If so, I am sorry. That sucks.)

And finally:

4. Just because somebody’s life looks different from your version of ‘putting family first’, does NOT mean they’re ‘putting family last’.

I do not put my family last. I have made countless sacrifices to put them first.

Does that mean that I will say no to incredible opportunities that arise? No.

Does that mean that they are first every single hour of every single day of every single year? No.

But most of the time? Yes.

Case in point:

I live in Caboolture. CABOOLTURE. No offence to the place, but this is NOT my habitat of choice. And that’s saying a lot. I love flannel as much as the next bogan.

But this is where my hubby has found his dream job, in which he is unspeakably happy. My kids are at a school which is utterly fantastic for them. If it were up to me, I would live…pretty much anywhere else. Okay, I draw the line at Timbucktoo, but only cos the immunisations look scary.

This is the most tangible sacrifice I make, day upon day, to put my family’s wellbeing first.

To insinuate that by taking the odd segment of time here and there to pursue opportunities that are elsewhere is somehow neglectful is ridiculous. It is insulting. IT IS UNTRUE.

If and when I have to answer to anybody about my choices, it will be to my family. And though I’m sure I’m making tons of mistakes along the way, I know I have done my absolute best to love them the best way I know how, while doing what I need to do in this life. Because, shock horror, I believe that my needs are worthy too. And I believe that I am setting a great example for them to pursue their passions in life. You don’t have to believe that, by the way. You are more than welcome to your own beliefs and values on this front.

At the end of my life, I will face my family with my head held high. I know I am a great parent. I don’t need anybody to tell me that I am.

What I do take issue with is the implication that I’m a BAD one just because I am pursuing some big dreams at the same time, dreams that occasionally take me away from them.

If you think negatively of me because of that, or any other parent doing things differently from you for that matter, then I challenge you to really ask yourself point-blank:

What is it inside YOU that is finding this so hard to cope with?

Jenny Wynter is a comedian, cabaret performer, writer and mother of three. You can find tales of her attempting - with varying amounts of success and glorious failure - to juggle motherhood with a globe-trotting performance career at www.comicmummy.com

Trial and Error

Sometimes it takes a few tries to find exactly what you need as a working mum, as guest blogger Kristyn from Mummy K discovered…

As a journalist and having done freelance work before, I was pretty optimistic about being able to work from home or negotiate with my employer after my maternity leave finished two years ago.

I knew the ins and outs of the magazine and have figured out various ways to make the job work for both me and the company without compromising quality. But I was quite disappointed when I was told that they required someone to be in the office the “entire time”. It wasn’t negotiable and I didn’t really know how to push it. Personally, I didn’t think there was any big advantage to working from the office all the time in that specific role. But they’ve already decided.

So there I was, scrambling for freelance work because the one I was banking on fell through. I knew we couldn’t survive long on one income. But I couldn’t go back to work full time too. I’m one of those mothers – the non-clingy one at the start who ends up realising I couldn’t survive without seeing my child for hours. Obviously, full time work wasn’t an option for me.

So I pushed for freelance work every now and then, contacting everyone I knew from the industry and putting my name out there as a freelance journalist/sub editor/photographer and writer (anything I could do, I put it in my CV). For a while, I was able to scrounge up some work here and there, but finances were tight and I needed something more regular.

The thought of full time work and full time pay became appealing. When a fashion magazine contacted me to do around two months of full time work, I said yes. I’ve never done full time after having my daughter. I’ve never been out all day everyday before. I’ve never placed her on daycare everyday before. I’ve never juggled motherhood and full time work before. There were a lot of fears, uncertainties, and doubts – add to that the usual insecurities about whether or not I’d remember how to do my job. But money was an issue so I had to give it a go. I thought briefly that maybe I could be one of those mothers too – the one who could do it all.

Two weeks into the new life and I was ready to give up my full time employee hat. I realised I so wasn’t one of those women – you know, the one who can work full time and be a full time mother too. Hubby was commuting two hours each way to work so I couldn’t ask him to do a lot of stuff like pick up/drop off our daughter to and from daycare. Basically, I was doing it all on my own. Working, preparing my daughter’s daycare things, making dinner, getting her ready for bed, feeding myself, doing chores and so on. And I felt I was missing out on my daughter’s milestones. She’d come home one day and use a big word properly and I would just be gob-smacked.

After the full time period ran out, I felt a huge thorn come off my chest. In a way I was lucky that I could dip my toe into the full time world before deciding. I also know I’m lucky to have finally found a regular freelance work that I can do from home. Although the woes of working from home are also present, it is something I can handle far easier than when I’m working full time. It took a while, several trials and errors, but I’m happy I was able to find that balance – and the family is happy too.

Kristyn aka MummyK is a freelance journalist/photographer/editor and a first time children’s book author. She is mum to one little girl and two little dogs, and wife to her IT consultant/musician husband. She blogs at http://mummyk.com and tweets as @themummyk.

Etiquette vs Manners

By Omania Terry, Effectiveness Specialist

In today's world of speed, technology, everyone wanting everything now, we often forget about the small things that matter. The small things that can help you when returning to the workforce. The whole corporate minefield can be a scary place when you have been out of the whole working game. And yes, it is a game.

When you take it back to basics, it isn’t that difficult and lot of these tips will help you in both your personal and professional life.

• Use peoples name – it is the magic password. Not only at work, but why not at the supermarket. I love using the person’s name with I see a name tag. It really makes their day.
  
  
• Be interested in others – but don’t’ fake it. People know when you are not sincere.
  
  
• Say hello – saying hello makes everyone feel better, including yourself. The CEO is a person too so say hello if you cross their path.
  
  
• Say thank you – it works wonders. How simple is this statement, however you will be surprised how people have forgotten to say it.
  
  
• Be gracious – let others take the credit, pass through the door first. They’ll love you for it.
  
  
• Make a fuss in a nice way – praise someone when they have accomplished something special to them. It may not be important to you, but could be a major achievement for them.
  
  
• Put others in the spotlight – ask about them, their lives, but remember to be interested. Everyone needs a little spotlight to shine.
  
  
• Listen, listen, listen – this is one of the hardest things for people to do. If you keep hearing your voice, close your mouth! To know if you are listening, repeat some of what the other person has said back to them.
  
  
• Never make someone feel like they are a bore – even if they are. Usually these people don’t realise they are a bore, but they may be lonely and really need someone to talk to.
  
  
• Be compassionate.
  
  
• Avoid sarcasm – people notice, really, they do.
  
  
• Be generous – shout lunch or coffee, even if it is your boss. This speaks mountains about your character.
  
  
• Be big – apologise when you have done something wrong, get it over and done with and move on. You will gain more respect. We are not perfect you know.
  
  
• Be observant – notice the small things that people have done ie new haircut, new dress.
  
  
• Let things go – know what battles are worth fighting. At the end of the day, is it worth the grief.

By taking it back to basic manners will make the transition of going back to work that little bit easier. It will give you the confidence to get back into the swing of things. Good luck.

Regards
Omania

About Omania: Originally from New Zealand, I have lived in Australia for 15 years and I love it here. I have had a diverse professional career that has taken me to various parts of the world. I have been a fashion designer and had my own clothing manufacturing company; I was a professional model and had a grooming and deportment school; as a woolclasser I travelled the world working for various shearing contractors; I have worked for some incredible companies including a gold mine, an engineering firm, a recruitment agency, telecommunications company, farming consultant, accountant and opened a weightloss centre. My life has never been dull and I really don’t think that will ever change. So what can I take from these experiences? It has given me the knowledge and experience to look at a business, assess what is going on and see what it needs. Whether it is structuring the office management, professional development for the team or putting an event together. I enjoy working with others to make things happen and to pass on the knowledge that I have gained over my personal and professional life. Visit www.omaniaterry.com.au

Please don’t send in the clowns.

Blogger Sarah Wayland from That Space In Between (http://thatspaceinbetween.com) thinks that working mums overuse the word 'juggle'. She's come up with another word she prefers. Do you agree with her?

I was meandering through the online world the other day reading bits of this and bits of that and I noticed something - articles relating to mums tend to overuse the world juggling.

Mums use it when talking about themselves and writers use it when describing the simple act of parenting, working or about mum’s just finding a moment to be.

I was never one to enjoy the circus as a kid. I hated the way the animals were treated, I was anxious about the trapeze artists and clowns…don’t get me started on clowns (jeez I must have been a fun kid to be around!)

When I read the word juggling two things come to mind – things flying through the air all at once and a stupid clown with make-up in all the wrong places. Some days I might be known for a random smear of the mascara wand but in the art of managing all those balls through the air juggling suggests to me that we might drop something. So I’ve decided to replace the word juggle with thrive.

Thrive suggests resilience, its suggests a strength rather than a deficit and it suggests a little bit of mastery – because that’s what we’re all doing, we’re the ring masters of our lives.

I’m not a person that likes to be idle, I work part time as a project manager (yay flexible employers), I study for my post-grad qualifications externally, I do some freelance writing, I blog and I mop up vomit for 2 small people and sometimes for 2 bigger stepkids…I’m no SJP (and yes, I really don’t think we should ask how she does it) but juggling just might be one of those words we insert for parenting. I asked some mums on my online uni forum about the use of the word juggling and needless to say 91 comments later I think it might be something we all have thoughts on it seemed that most thought that doing lots of things is just par for the course. One of the uni mums said to me..

I am proud of being a working, studying, performing, directing, mummy and my family is proud of me! I don't juggle! A slightly less present mummy is better for my family than a sad bitter mummy who is there all the time.

In saying we can have it all doesn’t necessarily define what all is…. we can have what we want and we can thrive in all of those things if we make the choice to, its all about options, its about making the most of your day and its about doing what you love. I do often doubt that I can do it all but the words of one of the mums rang through my head when I was pondering this…

Juggling implies that you are actually keeping the balls up in the air…. I would say it is more like a colourful ball pit, lots of fun, but you have to keep yourself from going under

So go forth mums…work, study, play and be who you want to be but don’t just say that you’re juggling because in thriving we don’t have to drop something, we might just pop it down for a while.

What do you think of the word juggling – does it irk you as much as it does me?

Sarah Wayland has been working as a Social Worker in the missing persons field for the last 10 years. She is currently a part-time stay-at-home mum, part-time public servant and part-time postgraduate student in the field of hope and loss at the University of New England. She blogs at thatspaceinbetween.com.

Getting your wardrobe ready for work

By Nikki Parkinson, stylingyou.com.au

Getting dressed for work used to be easy. If you weren’t issued with a uniform then most offices seemed to have an unwritten “uniform” of tailored pants or skirt with a shirt.

Such a “uniform” made getting dressed each day less stressful but it was boring. With a capital B.

The only problem with taking the boring out of corporate is that it becomes a bit of a fashion minefield. One that’s a bit trickier to navigate.
Key corporate wardrobe tips:
1. If starting from scratch, you need to form a basic capsule work wardrobe: tailored pants, tailored skirt, two tops, tailored dress, jacket, shoes.
2. Gone are the days when a two-piece suit has to match. A lighter jacket with a feminine top and dark pants is a more interesting work look.
3. Embrace the dress – I love the combination of a patterned dress with tailored jacket.
4. Add at least one accessory to give the outfit a lift

If you thought getting dressed for a corporate office took a degree in fashion merchandising, then spare a thought for the work-from-homes.

I now fall into this next “generation” of working mums: women who previously dressed for the office but who now run a business or work freelance from a home office. Or in my case, a corner of the lounge room.

Now, while staying in your pyjamas might seem like an easy solution for this one, your pyjamas (no matter how fancy) will not cut it for a client meeting.

You need to find that fine balance between comfort and style so that you’re prepared for a diverse day that could involve everything from school drop-offs to a coffee shop meeting or networking function.

Key work-from-home wardrobe tips:

1. Build your capsule wardrobe from key “lifestyle” basics. By lifestyle, I mean garments that don’t require ironing or drycleaning but look amazing every time you pull them out of the cupboard. Think garments in jersey, viscose or modal.
2. In winter, make your “uniform” a smart casual slim pant or dress jean, worn with ballet flats, tee, blazer and scarf.
3. In summer, embrace the dress. It’s one garment and all you need to add to it each time you pull it from the wardrobe is at least one accessory. A statement necklace is easiest. For shoes, wear wedges or dressy flats.
4. Have at least one go-to black frock that can be pulled out time and time again to wear to a networking event, either on its own or with a jacket. You can change your look each time with different accessories.

Key tips for all working mums

1. Only buy garments that are easy care and wear – getting out the door in the morning for work is battle enough; let alone if something’s not ironed and ready.
2. To speed up the morning rush, have your clothes hanging and ready to go the night before.

Author’s note: I couldn’t do this blog post without mentioning the wonderful work that charity organisation, Dress for Success, does for women returning to the workforce around the world. In Australia, there are offices in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. You can help by donating new and good condition workwear to this organisation. They are always on the lookout for black work shoes and black handbags but check with your nearest location for what they might need right now.

Nikki has long spent a disproportionate amount of her income on clothes and beauty products. She blames her politically correct mother who never let her have a Barbie doll as a child. The former journalist “stumbled” into blogging in 2008 as a way to keep up her writing skills and market new styling business. Styling You offers fashion and beauty advice for busy women and this year was judged Best Australian Blog by the Sydney Writers'.

For more great tips for working mums and updates on the Career Mums book, join the Career Mums Facebook page

The Art of Conver-Hasten

Who has had a meaningful conversation recently? I mean a real conversation.

A conversation that doesn't include the words poo, wee or booga.

A conversation that does not include some sort of logistical plan around after-school activities and getting home from work.

Or a conversation that doesn't include a cartoon character, a piece of Disney/Pixar merchandise or a request to play:

a. Playstation
b. DS
c. X-Box
d. Your iPhone

Not me.

Are we too busy to have decent conversations now?

And how many of us talk fast?

And how many of us tap our feet impatiently when it takes someone FOR. EV. AH! to spit their words out?

Or do we finish someone else's sentence because we don't have time for them to do it?

I have been a little guilty of this.

I am moving so fast in all parts of my world that my conversations have turned into conver-hastens. (see what I did there ;-) ?

The faster the better.

Or is it?

My conver-hastens with WD include comments like:

"Can you be home by 6pm tomorrow night to take over from Mum? Am working in the city."
"Here is the quote for the new door. Shall we get 4 panel windows or 6?"
"Sorry. Have run out of Up'n'Go!"

Not to mention the conver-hastens that may be one-sided and under my breath and normally involve socks on floor, taking the bins out and only washing up one plate when there is a pile of dirty dishes underneath it in the sink.

My conver-hastens with my mum, who helps out a lot with the kids, hover around:

"The tuna mornay is on the top shelf of the fridge."
"WD will be home by 6pm."
"It's bath night tonight. Good luck!"

Usually these comments are shouted over my shoulder as I am running out the door dislocating my shoulder with the weight of my laptop bag.

And conversations with friends. I miss them. Now we have to make special time to have REAL girlie conversations. Twice a year I have a weekend away with my high school girlfriends. Every now and then I try and catch up with my other girlfriends over coffee, or at someone's house.

But what starts out as a meaningful conversation ends up being punctuated by:

"1YO! Don't sit on 4YO's head!"
"Don't climb up there."
"Don't swing off that!"
"Where's your pants??????"

1YO still hasn't grown out of the habit of pulling his pants down in public.

The only meaningful conversation I have had recently is with my kids and that involved an emotional debate about which Octonaut had which accent, which divided the camp indelibly.

We also had a very interesting conversation in the car yesterday about why Mario doesn't have a station wagon. And I just love talking about all things cars and mechanical......bleuurrrgh.

The other meaningful conversations I have are with my clients, and seeing I was delivering training in Advanced Financial Management for Events last week, discussing the GST, cash flow forecasting and contingencies aren't exactly up there with my idea of scintillating dialogue.

So, I will struggle along, booking in time here and there with WD, Mum, my wonderful girlfriends so we can have decent conversations that don't include references to bodily functions.

And hope that when my kids are a little older and I have (maybe) a little more time to myself, that I will still be able to string a sentence together.

Penny Webb loves being a mum. And working. It’s when she put the two together that she ran into trouble. When Penny had two children within two years and tried to keep her career and her sanity intact, she discovered it was one of the more difficult things she had ever tried to do. That’s when the Working Mums MASTERCLASS was born, followed closely by the Sshh Mummys on the Phone blog.