Etiquette vs Manners

By Omania Terry, Effectiveness Specialist

In today's world of speed, technology, everyone wanting everything now, we often forget about the small things that matter. The small things that can help you when returning to the workforce. The whole corporate minefield can be a scary place when you have been out of the whole working game. And yes, it is a game.

When you take it back to basics, it isn’t that difficult and lot of these tips will help you in both your personal and professional life.

• Use peoples name – it is the magic password. Not only at work, but why not at the supermarket. I love using the person’s name with I see a name tag. It really makes their day.
  
  
• Be interested in others – but don’t’ fake it. People know when you are not sincere.
  
  
• Say hello – saying hello makes everyone feel better, including yourself. The CEO is a person too so say hello if you cross their path.
  
  
• Say thank you – it works wonders. How simple is this statement, however you will be surprised how people have forgotten to say it.
  
  
• Be gracious – let others take the credit, pass through the door first. They’ll love you for it.
  
  
• Make a fuss in a nice way – praise someone when they have accomplished something special to them. It may not be important to you, but could be a major achievement for them.
  
  
• Put others in the spotlight – ask about them, their lives, but remember to be interested. Everyone needs a little spotlight to shine.
  
  
• Listen, listen, listen – this is one of the hardest things for people to do. If you keep hearing your voice, close your mouth! To know if you are listening, repeat some of what the other person has said back to them.
  
  
• Never make someone feel like they are a bore – even if they are. Usually these people don’t realise they are a bore, but they may be lonely and really need someone to talk to.
  
  
• Be compassionate.
  
  
• Avoid sarcasm – people notice, really, they do.
  
  
• Be generous – shout lunch or coffee, even if it is your boss. This speaks mountains about your character.
  
  
• Be big – apologise when you have done something wrong, get it over and done with and move on. You will gain more respect. We are not perfect you know.
  
  
• Be observant – notice the small things that people have done ie new haircut, new dress.
  
  
• Let things go – know what battles are worth fighting. At the end of the day, is it worth the grief.

By taking it back to basic manners will make the transition of going back to work that little bit easier. It will give you the confidence to get back into the swing of things. Good luck.

Regards
Omania

About Omania: Originally from New Zealand, I have lived in Australia for 15 years and I love it here. I have had a diverse professional career that has taken me to various parts of the world. I have been a fashion designer and had my own clothing manufacturing company; I was a professional model and had a grooming and deportment school; as a woolclasser I travelled the world working for various shearing contractors; I have worked for some incredible companies including a gold mine, an engineering firm, a recruitment agency, telecommunications company, farming consultant, accountant and opened a weightloss centre. My life has never been dull and I really don’t think that will ever change. So what can I take from these experiences? It has given me the knowledge and experience to look at a business, assess what is going on and see what it needs. Whether it is structuring the office management, professional development for the team or putting an event together. I enjoy working with others to make things happen and to pass on the knowledge that I have gained over my personal and professional life. Visit www.omaniaterry.com.au

Please don’t send in the clowns.

Blogger Sarah Wayland from That Space In Between (http://thatspaceinbetween.com) thinks that working mums overuse the word 'juggle'. She's come up with another word she prefers. Do you agree with her?

I was meandering through the online world the other day reading bits of this and bits of that and I noticed something - articles relating to mums tend to overuse the world juggling.

Mums use it when talking about themselves and writers use it when describing the simple act of parenting, working or about mum’s just finding a moment to be.

I was never one to enjoy the circus as a kid. I hated the way the animals were treated, I was anxious about the trapeze artists and clowns…don’t get me started on clowns (jeez I must have been a fun kid to be around!)

When I read the word juggling two things come to mind – things flying through the air all at once and a stupid clown with make-up in all the wrong places. Some days I might be known for a random smear of the mascara wand but in the art of managing all those balls through the air juggling suggests to me that we might drop something. So I’ve decided to replace the word juggle with thrive.

Thrive suggests resilience, its suggests a strength rather than a deficit and it suggests a little bit of mastery – because that’s what we’re all doing, we’re the ring masters of our lives.

I’m not a person that likes to be idle, I work part time as a project manager (yay flexible employers), I study for my post-grad qualifications externally, I do some freelance writing, I blog and I mop up vomit for 2 small people and sometimes for 2 bigger stepkids…I’m no SJP (and yes, I really don’t think we should ask how she does it) but juggling just might be one of those words we insert for parenting. I asked some mums on my online uni forum about the use of the word juggling and needless to say 91 comments later I think it might be something we all have thoughts on it seemed that most thought that doing lots of things is just par for the course. One of the uni mums said to me..

I am proud of being a working, studying, performing, directing, mummy and my family is proud of me! I don't juggle! A slightly less present mummy is better for my family than a sad bitter mummy who is there all the time.

In saying we can have it all doesn’t necessarily define what all is…. we can have what we want and we can thrive in all of those things if we make the choice to, its all about options, its about making the most of your day and its about doing what you love. I do often doubt that I can do it all but the words of one of the mums rang through my head when I was pondering this…

Juggling implies that you are actually keeping the balls up in the air…. I would say it is more like a colourful ball pit, lots of fun, but you have to keep yourself from going under

So go forth mums…work, study, play and be who you want to be but don’t just say that you’re juggling because in thriving we don’t have to drop something, we might just pop it down for a while.

What do you think of the word juggling – does it irk you as much as it does me?

Sarah Wayland has been working as a Social Worker in the missing persons field for the last 10 years. She is currently a part-time stay-at-home mum, part-time public servant and part-time postgraduate student in the field of hope and loss at the University of New England. She blogs at thatspaceinbetween.com.

Getting your wardrobe ready for work

By Nikki Parkinson, stylingyou.com.au

Getting dressed for work used to be easy. If you weren’t issued with a uniform then most offices seemed to have an unwritten “uniform” of tailored pants or skirt with a shirt.

Such a “uniform” made getting dressed each day less stressful but it was boring. With a capital B.

The only problem with taking the boring out of corporate is that it becomes a bit of a fashion minefield. One that’s a bit trickier to navigate.
Key corporate wardrobe tips:
1. If starting from scratch, you need to form a basic capsule work wardrobe: tailored pants, tailored skirt, two tops, tailored dress, jacket, shoes.
2. Gone are the days when a two-piece suit has to match. A lighter jacket with a feminine top and dark pants is a more interesting work look.
3. Embrace the dress – I love the combination of a patterned dress with tailored jacket.
4. Add at least one accessory to give the outfit a lift

If you thought getting dressed for a corporate office took a degree in fashion merchandising, then spare a thought for the work-from-homes.

I now fall into this next “generation” of working mums: women who previously dressed for the office but who now run a business or work freelance from a home office. Or in my case, a corner of the lounge room.

Now, while staying in your pyjamas might seem like an easy solution for this one, your pyjamas (no matter how fancy) will not cut it for a client meeting.

You need to find that fine balance between comfort and style so that you’re prepared for a diverse day that could involve everything from school drop-offs to a coffee shop meeting or networking function.

Key work-from-home wardrobe tips:

1. Build your capsule wardrobe from key “lifestyle” basics. By lifestyle, I mean garments that don’t require ironing or drycleaning but look amazing every time you pull them out of the cupboard. Think garments in jersey, viscose or modal.
2. In winter, make your “uniform” a smart casual slim pant or dress jean, worn with ballet flats, tee, blazer and scarf.
3. In summer, embrace the dress. It’s one garment and all you need to add to it each time you pull it from the wardrobe is at least one accessory. A statement necklace is easiest. For shoes, wear wedges or dressy flats.
4. Have at least one go-to black frock that can be pulled out time and time again to wear to a networking event, either on its own or with a jacket. You can change your look each time with different accessories.

Key tips for all working mums

1. Only buy garments that are easy care and wear – getting out the door in the morning for work is battle enough; let alone if something’s not ironed and ready.
2. To speed up the morning rush, have your clothes hanging and ready to go the night before.

Author’s note: I couldn’t do this blog post without mentioning the wonderful work that charity organisation, Dress for Success, does for women returning to the workforce around the world. In Australia, there are offices in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. You can help by donating new and good condition workwear to this organisation. They are always on the lookout for black work shoes and black handbags but check with your nearest location for what they might need right now.

Nikki has long spent a disproportionate amount of her income on clothes and beauty products. She blames her politically correct mother who never let her have a Barbie doll as a child. The former journalist “stumbled” into blogging in 2008 as a way to keep up her writing skills and market new styling business. Styling You offers fashion and beauty advice for busy women and this year was judged Best Australian Blog by the Sydney Writers'.

For more great tips for working mums and updates on the Career Mums book, join the Career Mums Facebook page

The Art of Conver-Hasten

Who has had a meaningful conversation recently? I mean a real conversation.

A conversation that doesn't include the words poo, wee or booga.

A conversation that does not include some sort of logistical plan around after-school activities and getting home from work.

Or a conversation that doesn't include a cartoon character, a piece of Disney/Pixar merchandise or a request to play:

a. Playstation
b. DS
c. X-Box
d. Your iPhone

Not me.

Are we too busy to have decent conversations now?

And how many of us talk fast?

And how many of us tap our feet impatiently when it takes someone FOR. EV. AH! to spit their words out?

Or do we finish someone else's sentence because we don't have time for them to do it?

I have been a little guilty of this.

I am moving so fast in all parts of my world that my conversations have turned into conver-hastens. (see what I did there ;-) ?

The faster the better.

Or is it?

My conver-hastens with WD include comments like:

"Can you be home by 6pm tomorrow night to take over from Mum? Am working in the city."
"Here is the quote for the new door. Shall we get 4 panel windows or 6?"
"Sorry. Have run out of Up'n'Go!"

Not to mention the conver-hastens that may be one-sided and under my breath and normally involve socks on floor, taking the bins out and only washing up one plate when there is a pile of dirty dishes underneath it in the sink.

My conver-hastens with my mum, who helps out a lot with the kids, hover around:

"The tuna mornay is on the top shelf of the fridge."
"WD will be home by 6pm."
"It's bath night tonight. Good luck!"

Usually these comments are shouted over my shoulder as I am running out the door dislocating my shoulder with the weight of my laptop bag.

And conversations with friends. I miss them. Now we have to make special time to have REAL girlie conversations. Twice a year I have a weekend away with my high school girlfriends. Every now and then I try and catch up with my other girlfriends over coffee, or at someone's house.

But what starts out as a meaningful conversation ends up being punctuated by:

"1YO! Don't sit on 4YO's head!"
"Don't climb up there."
"Don't swing off that!"
"Where's your pants??????"

1YO still hasn't grown out of the habit of pulling his pants down in public.

The only meaningful conversation I have had recently is with my kids and that involved an emotional debate about which Octonaut had which accent, which divided the camp indelibly.

We also had a very interesting conversation in the car yesterday about why Mario doesn't have a station wagon. And I just love talking about all things cars and mechanical......bleuurrrgh.

The other meaningful conversations I have are with my clients, and seeing I was delivering training in Advanced Financial Management for Events last week, discussing the GST, cash flow forecasting and contingencies aren't exactly up there with my idea of scintillating dialogue.

So, I will struggle along, booking in time here and there with WD, Mum, my wonderful girlfriends so we can have decent conversations that don't include references to bodily functions.

And hope that when my kids are a little older and I have (maybe) a little more time to myself, that I will still be able to string a sentence together.

Penny Webb loves being a mum. And working. It’s when she put the two together that she ran into trouble. When Penny had two children within two years and tried to keep her career and her sanity intact, she discovered it was one of the more difficult things she had ever tried to do. That’s when the Working Mums MASTERCLASS was born, followed closely by the Sshh Mummys on the Phone blog.

Motherhood, shift work and sanity – Yes, you can make it work!

Holly Bicknell wrangles two small children, works part-time and studies part-time. She also writes what she calls an 'inappropriate blog' about motherhood called Good Golly Miss Holly. But mostly she juggles. And with her partner also working shifts, it's quite the juggle.

In my household, we have two preschoolers, a cat, a dog, a Mama and a Papa. Suffice to say, our house is bursting at the seams with toys, laughter and chaos!

Earlier this year, I traded in stay at home motherhood for part time study at university and part time work, doing night shifts at a local pub. My partner, Ryan also works 40+ hour weeks on a seven day rotating roster. Yes you read right, we are both shift workers! We never planned it this way but with a mortgage, car repayments and a never-ending stack of bills, like most families, we needed a way to manage it all without adding an enormous weekly childcare bill to the budget.

Shift work, particularly with two preschoolers, is hard work. Sleep is but a distant memory, our body clocks are out of whack and on weekends, my partner and I are basically two ships passing in the night with me getting home at 3:30am and Ryan getting up at 5am. It is not uncommon for us to see maybe 20 minutes of each other between bedtime on Thursday night and dinnertime on Monday evenings.

People are often amazed when I tell them about our home life and ‘Supermum’ is a word that is quite often thrown about too. “All Mums are Supermums,” I tell people “I’m just organised and extremely tired!” This is not to say that I do not struggle. Some days are just horrid and I find myself a wee bit overwhelmed, choking out “I give up!” in between sobs. Such is life, right? That said, there are a few things that help me to keep juggling those balls without losing (too much) of my sanity!

1. Do the happy housewife thing and meal plan: Some days it is an absolute blessing to be able to know what you need to cook so you can just slip into autopilot mode! Meal planning also helps us on the money side of things too because I only buy what we need and I don’t load the trolley up with impulse buys or 10 packs of Tim Tams because they’re on special!

2. Freeze a few meals. It definitely comes in handy for those nights where all you can think about is hitting the hay!

3. Invest in a day planner or diary: Motherhood and sleep deprivation have jumbled my memory something shocking! If I want to remember something, I need to write it down and that way, I don’t forget an appointment or feel the wrath of my four year old daughter when I send her to school in shorts and a t-shirt when it’s pyjama day!

4. Be prepared for the next day: My kids go to preschool on Mondays so on Sunday nights, they help me pick out their clothes and we pack their bags. Doing this makes getting out the door on mad Mondays mornings that little bit calmer!

5. Remember, the housework will still be there later! This isn’t the part where I tell you to just forget about the housework because seriously, who are we trying to kid here? I am a sucker for a clean house but there are times where I need to remind myself that going to bed and getting a decent sleep is more important than attacking the ever expanding Mt. Washmore in the laundry.

6. Schedule in Mama and Papa time: This is a really important one for us! It is so much easier to find something to argue over when you’re exhausted and Ryan and I often find ourselves snipping at one another. Whether we are able go out on a actual date or just steal thirty minutes together on the lounge, abit of couple time does our relationship wonders!

7. Bring on the family fun: Time is tight so we make sure as much of the spare time we have goes on family fun. Sometimes we might only be able to squeeze in half an hour at the park or watching “Hoodwinked” for the fiftieth time before bed but the kids still go to sleep happy and we know we’ve done our jobs well!

and perhaps most importantly,

8. Don’t forget to look after yourself! Sneak in abit of sleep where possible, eat well, make time for the simple pleasures you love and treat yourself when you can. You deserve it!

Pretty simple points too, aren’t they?

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s preschool day and uni holidays so I might just go steal an hours worth of uninterrupted sleep!

- www.goodhollyholly.com
- Twitter.com/Holly_Homemaker
- Facebook.com/goodgollymisshollydotcom

Please keep your germs to yourself

MultipleMum blogs about frugality, green living, parenting, and other musings at And then there were four (pilesofwashing.blogspot.com). She has four children, aged 6 and younger, including a set of boy/girl twins (Dew Drop and The Minx), and works outside of the home 3 days a week. There is never a dull moment in her busy and contented life.
Don't get me wrong. I get how hard it is to be a working Mum. I struggle into the office three times a week.

My kids trip the light fantastic with their long day care teachers.

We juggle the drop offs and pick ups and the crazy scheduling.

We deal with the tantrums that result from looooong days out of the house. And dinner at 6.30pm. And the hurried race to the bath. And the rush through the stories and homework and everything else that needs doing before we can tuck our precious bundles into bed.

And it is because of this that I am so annoyed. I am pissed with parents who only think of their own needs. I am referring to parents who send their children to daycare when they are sick.

I am not talking about a cold (would any of us get out of the house in winter?), I am talking about fevers. Chesty coughs. Conjunctivitis. Hand, foot and mouth and the plethora of other viruses my kids have contracted from going to daycare.

If your child is sick, keep them home. It is as simple as that.

I know it sucks being unreliable at work. I know how hard it is to shuffle meetings and appointments and priorities. I know what it is like to be on a deadline and not be able to meet it. It is embarrassing and frustrating. I know. I have to have days off to attend to my sick children.

But I can't help but think that if more parents put their children's needs ahead of their own and kept their kids at home when they are sick, that fewer others would be impacted. If parents followed the rules.

It is not good enough to say "They had a vomit this morning but they seem fine now". Sorry parent. Leave it 24 hours. It is not good enough to mask the effect of a fever by dosing your child with paracetamol. They could be infectious. Please leave them at home for 24 hours.

The Minx and Dew Drop have been seriously ill for the past two weeks with a virus that I suspect they got from daycare. To the person who thought it was a good idea to 'share the love', I want to throttle you. If only you knew the pain you have caused. If only.

Please keep your germs to yourself.

Is your daycare strict on infection control? What are your thoughts on people who don't play by the rules?

Career Girl Me (updated....)

By Lucy Mulvany

Lucy is a mum of three primary aged children. She lives in Adelaide, with her lovely husband. In her life before children Lucy was a successful marketing project manager. She currently works part time from home on various freelance projects and has a blog called Diminishing Lucy. She is also studying for her third career, as well as being committed to exercise and healthy living, whilst still trying to lose the final kilos!

I first published this post a year ago. So I am posting again - with an update...

Someone asked me the other day, about what my life was like before children...

Before I had children, I was a career girl. I worked for a leading telco, from the mid 1990's, as a sales manager, as a marketing manager and as a project manager. In Sydney, Adelaide and Darwin. I worked full time. Full full full time. It was where I met my lovely husband. And good job I did - I was working so hard, I had little time for much else!

I was never the clicky clacky heals corporate suit flicky hair type of career girl. I was not a glamour of the Sydney business world. But I did get recognised for objectives really well executed. And dare I say it, I was promoted more quickly that my better dressed, more beautiful counterparts...

I loved my work. I was lucky to work with the best talent that the telco industry had at the time. Without a doubt, I was paid extraordinarily well for campaigns well done. I thrived. I worked really long hours and was on schedule and on budget every time. I was lucky that I found a knack of getting the best out of other people, and I repeatedly was lucky enough to experience the thrill of making things happen, seeing things evolve, through the hard work of some phenomenal teams of people.

I was lucky that I had some amazing mentors through my whole career. Men and women that saw flickers of potential in me that I could not see in myself. I always knew I could and would work hard. Other people saw the occasional flashes of "brilliance". I put that in inverted commas because I always doubted myself. Lucky for me, they didn't.

I worked, and played, to win.

At the peak of my career, I finally fell pregnant. And whilst riding that high, I lost my baby. It was a late, late loss and the most heartbreaking thing I have ever had to deal with.

We, the lovely husband and I, we chose to retreat for a while, to the Northern Territory.

For his career, this time; and so that I could lick some wounds and heal: we left Adelaide for the Darwin adventure.

Again, I scored. And landed an amazing role working on a huge construction and IT project. With the best in the business across government and private enterprise, I blossomed again. Crackled with the energy and vibrancy of success. And felt some peace in my heart and mind, up there, in that amazing tropical land.

And I fell pregnant again, this time with my beautiful eldest daughter.

I got huge. I got hot. I got happy. I got my project, me and my pregnant belly, in my hard hat and steel capped boots.

I finally waddled away at eight months pregnant.

It is now over seven years since I worked on my career. I have always managed to work part time, usually from home, around the kids. As a method of keeping my marketing skills and my brain ticking over. But such part time work has been secondary to my main "job" as Mummy to my three kids.

I miss the passion, and the cut and thrust of being really good at something, something external to my personal world.

I miss the thrill of the negotiations, the thrill of the wins. The completions. I miss the life cycles of projects. I miss that secret internal feeling I get: "They think I can't do that,but I know I can and will, and I cannot wait to prove it."

Lexie starts at school in term four of 2011.

Time to start investigating what to do next...